What was my most silent moment and how did I experience it?

August 3rd, 2018 - This is the first blog of my Silent World tour. I’ve now been gone for 9 weeks already and so far went to Scotland, the UK, Belgium, the Netherlands, Denmark, and now Sweden.

In this blog, I will tell you about the most silent experience I had until now. Well, here goes.

My room number in the Vipassana Center

Without a doubt, it was during my Vipassana course in Denmark. A Vipassana is a noble silence course for 10 days or more. I wasn’t afraid of the silence nor not being able to speak for 10 days, but I struggled the most with the idea that I was not allowed to write down all my ideas that would come up. I love my channelled ideas and to take action right after that! During the course, we weren’t allowed to read, write or any non-verbal communication with each other. Men and women were separated, all paintings were covered. So really no contact inside nor with the outside.
There was a moment where I had a first crash and that was the moment that the technique of Vipassana was introduced. I was in so much pain and I wanted to break out, yell at the teacher Enzo. A last scream before you surrender into the exercise. And surrender to your deepest self. After enduring and overcoming the physical pain you enter your mind and get in more detailed contact with the body. All kinds of thoughts come up. Conversations of the past, recent or a very long time ago. You want them to stop and they will. Via this technique, I have learned to break through my destructive patterns. We all have patterns on how we react to pain (hate, revenge, jealousy) or pleasure (craving, clinging, longing,…). Via Vipassana, you can break and release them.
At a moment of really working through a tough spot, I got an eruption of joy and laughter. I felt all my personas. Personas who come into play the moments I feel insecure, I feel too much pressure, I enter a new situation, or when I really want something and get impatient. To give you an example, I discovered personas as Idea Joanna always looking for the holy grail idea, or Bulldozer Tarzan who enters a new situation afraid not being part of it, or Mega Mandela, the savior of the world and the misery of others, oh yes and finally my Unseen Calimero: “they are big and I am small and that is not fair, oh no”. This fight is not fair. Oh boy, maybe I should write a sketch with them? They are hilarious. But what they all try to protect is my inner little child that wants to be hugged, seen and contribute, but does not feel safe. This was absolutely the deepest experience I have had. But I don’t throw them all away. I honor them, and some of them still have a place in my being, but I don’t let them take the wheel anymore. They can move my legs, arms, body, heart or whatever. But they’re not allowed to take it over. I feel much lighter, liberated, and wise. This is really the most powerful silence experience ever, until now.

I am curious about your personas? How would you describe them? Don’t worry we all have a ton of them. But the question is, how much control do they have over us? Let me know in the comments or sent me a private message if you don’t want it to do it publicly.

Cathy Camertijn
Silent World Tour


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