What was my most silent moment and how did I experience it?
August 3rd,
2018 - This is the first blog of my Silent World tour. I’ve now been gone for 9
weeks already and so far went to Scotland, the UK, Belgium, the Netherlands,
Denmark, and now Sweden.
In this blog,
I will tell you about the most silent experience I had until now. Well, here goes.
My room number in the Vipassana Center
Without a doubt,
it was during my Vipassana course in Denmark. A Vipassana is a noble silence
course for 10 days or more. I wasn’t afraid of the silence nor not being able
to speak for 10 days, but I struggled the most with the idea that I was not allowed
to write down all my ideas that would come up. I love my channelled ideas and
to take action right after that! During the course, we weren’t allowed to read,
write or any non-verbal communication with each other. Men and women were separated,
all paintings were covered. So really no contact inside nor with the outside.
There was a moment where I had a first crash and that was the moment that the technique of
Vipassana was introduced. I was in so much pain and I wanted to break out, yell
at the teacher Enzo. A last scream before you surrender into the exercise. And
surrender to your deepest self. After enduring and overcoming the physical pain
you enter your mind and get in more detailed contact with the body. All kinds
of thoughts come up. Conversations of the past, recent or a very long time ago.
You want them to stop and they will. Via this technique, I have learned to break
through my destructive patterns. We all have patterns on how we react to pain
(hate, revenge, jealousy) or pleasure (craving, clinging, longing,…). Via Vipassana,
you can break and release them.
At a moment
of really working through a tough spot, I got an eruption of joy and laughter.
I felt all my personas. Personas who come into play the moments I feel
insecure, I feel too much pressure, I enter a new situation, or when I really
want something and get impatient. To give you an example, I discovered personas
as Idea Joanna always looking for the holy grail idea, or Bulldozer Tarzan who
enters a new situation afraid not being part of it, or Mega Mandela, the savior
of the world and the misery of others, oh yes and finally my Unseen Calimero: “they
are big and I am small and that is not fair, oh no”. This fight is not fair. Oh
boy, maybe I should write a sketch with them? They are hilarious. But what they
all try to protect is my inner little child that wants to be hugged, seen and
contribute, but does not feel safe. This was absolutely the deepest experience
I have had. But I don’t throw them all away. I honor them, and some of them
still have a place in my being, but I don’t let them take the wheel anymore.
They can move my legs, arms, body, heart or whatever. But they’re not allowed
to take it over. I feel much lighter, liberated, and wise. This is really the
most powerful silence experience ever, until now.
I am
curious about your personas? How would you describe them? Don’t worry we all
have a ton of them. But the question is, how much control do they have over us?
Let me know in the comments or sent me a private message if you don’t want it
to do it publicly.
Silent World Tour
https://www.silentworld.be
Silent World Tour
https://www.silentworld.be
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